Sibling Conflicts

As parents, sibling fights can be very distressing and exhausting! We have all battled with sibling conflicts, fights and arguments, and thought to ourselves ‘I can’t stand the fighting I just want it to stop!!  

In order to decrease the fighting, it can be helpful to ‘coach’ your children before the conflict starts, when everyone is calm and receptive to ideas.  It is also important to be aware of the ‘tricky times e.g. at the end of the day when children can be tired and hungry.

Michael Grose (Parenting Specialist) has suggested some tricks to help sibling conflicts: -

     1. Encourage them to read to their siblings (facial expressions,              body language, tone of voice) so they can avoid negative situations.        This  is all about avoidance and stopping fights before they start.

2. Teach children how to set boundaries. “You can come into my room but you have to stay out of my toy cupboard. Ok?”
3. Praise problem-solving. Make a fuss when they work things out peacefully whether it’s compromising, taking turns or one child just giving way.
4. Help children identify the triggers for getting upset themselves and also when their sibling is likely to lose their cool. We all have hot buttons that when pressed will trigger and over-reaction. Help kids work out their hot buttons.
5. Reinforce with kids that they need to regulate their responses when a sibling presses their hot buttons. Kids don’t have to fight, argue, yell or whatever when a sibling gets up their nose. Give alternative to their war-like responses - “Go to your room if he continues to annoy you.”
6. Teach respect. Respectful treatment is at the heart of civil relationships. Keep reminding kids to treat each other with respect; stick to dignified behaviours and also to stay within the rules of fair play.
7. Ensure restitution. Perhaps the biggest lesson kids can learn is to restore a relationship after conflict. “How can you fix this?” is a question many kids need to hear.

Parenting should reflect real life as much as possible. In the world, families and people don’t always like each other but they do need to get on with each other. These lessons about getting on are best learned in your family as a child.

These are important life skills, learning to get along with people; knowing about other alternatives to avoid conflict. As parents, we only want the best for our children and their well being. It is also important that we look after ourselves, so that we aren’t contributing to more conflict within our home and, if in doubt – ‘give yourself time out’ to calm down, have a cuppa and then come back to discuss the issue!

Warm regards,

Tosca Grainger -Dee.